Dealing with doubt

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Self-portrait by Leonardo Da Vinci. So much has been written and idolized about this renaissance man that it’s  impossible to compare him to ourselves. And it’s probably best that we don’t.

We often begrudge our lack of ability.

Having enough skill and technique often appears as the greatest worry for the animation artist. We all “know” that if we had the necessary skill, things would be so much better, easier and less frightening. Sometimes, we might even catch ourselves thinking those ugly words,  “if only.”  If only we’d gone to a better school, had better teachers, had more money, gotten better breaks or given more choice, etc, etc.

“The cruel words of regret.” From Babe 2, Pig in the City, directed by the brilliantly skilled and diverse, George Miller (who also directed Happy Feet and Mad Max: Road Fury).

But at the end of day we have but one choice, taking action. Build that skill. Do the work. Get stronger. Cross that scary bridge. In other words, there’s no choice but to put in the hours. Of course, it’s not easy. But it’s not supposed to be — failure is guaranteed for all artists a majority of the time.

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Alex Ovechkin is the most prolific goal scorer in the National Hockey League. He lead all goal scorers last year, a season which he took 47% more shots (395) than the next best goal scorer, Steven Stamkos (268). In other words, he also fails on more shots than any other player.

“Failure is an option here. If you’re not failing, you’re not innovating enough.” — Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla and SpaceX

But what if you don’t become the best animator, best goal scorer or greatest innovator? Then why do this? Who wants to put in all that effort when the likelihood is that you could, and most likely, will fail? Because effort matters, and it is its own reward.

“Once you realize that the road is the goal and that you are always on the road, not to reach a goal, but to enjoy its beauty and wisdom, life ceases to be a task and becomes natural and simple, in itself an ecstasy.” — Nisargadatta Maharaj

 Art is about choices, and choices require the most challenging yet wondrous kind of labor; mental-emotional labor. Emotional labor can be fun, interesting and inspiring especially when driven by a desire for something greater than ourselves such as the love of the craft itself, the will to better ourselves (and our communities), or the pure necessity to feed our families.

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Martin Luther King Jr was a man who worked for a cause far greater than himself. There was never a guarantee that he, or others like him, would succeed. (Image courtesy of Biography)

Therefore, there mustn’t be any sort of begrudging in the process of work.  Whether for you, as an animator it’s all that time spent on planning, battling through shots, making revisions or absorbing all that challenging feedback. Whining and moaning is all too common a practice in our industry (and in this world in general.)

I grew up on a farm and I was always amazed how my father (and my family in general) kept putting in the labor. Day in, day out, he’d grind it out. Tilling one plot of land after another. And everything that grew on it was all made by hand. What he didn’t know, he learned. He got good and efficient at it because he did it so often and for so long. But he also suffered — customers would disappear, costs would fluctuate or nature itself would be uncooperative, destroying crops mercilessly. Building a business is a lot of work, there’s a lot of risk involved. So much of the outcome of all that effort is unknown — there are no guarantees. But the work matters because it changes you. My father was a better man for it, and he never complained.

All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience.” — Henry Miller

As an artist, you’re always pushing into the unknown, but each mark you make does show up in your final efforts. Even when shots are removed and projects get cancelled, know that you’ve been changed by the effort you put in. If you’ve given your work thought and took real chances, you’ve gotten better and with luck, might’ve even developed greater mentor fortitude. That much can never be taken away from you. So always give your task your full attention.

Tom Cruise marvels at the dedication of the samurai in Edward Zwick’s 2003 film, The Last Samurai. This mindset still permeates much of modern day Japanese culture, as witnessed by their continued attentiveness to detail, respect and work ethic.

And it’s not about just being a good employee or boss.
It’s not even about gratitude.  It’s about living the process and building towards something. It’s moving yourself outside of ‘the’ self.  Whether it be animating a shot, building a shelter or composing a piece of music, work can only be exciting or important when it becomes meaningful and it’s surprising how much of that meaning comes from within.

If we approach our work as an artist like how an individual builds a home, a life, and hope for his/her family, the process gets easier, and a bit less difficult to sustain. Not because it makes it less hard — because it’s always hard — but because there’s a purpose. What matters are your choices and the meaning you place behind it. You choose your level of commitment, and by default, your level of fulfillment.

In a sense, your journey into the unknown is remarkably personal, yet at the same time, all-encompassing and universal. Or, as author Henry Miller puts it:

“One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.”

The Five Phases of Work

In the words of author, Marianne Williamson:

“Nature is infinitely creative. It is always producing the possibility of new beginnings.”

Phase One: Beginnings

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Mufasa counsels Simba, on how to hunt prey from Walt Disney’s The Lion King. Animation by Supervising Animator, Tony Fucile.

Everyone’s been there — whether you start a new job, begin a new project, or work with new people — that tingle down your spine only happens once. The anticipation is both tantalizing and frightening at the same time. You have ideas, but it sits before the vast unknown. This is what happens when you’re doing something new and art is all about that. The truth is, every situation is new — every shot, sequence, layout or painting — and that’s the challenge. Such a professional mindset and standard is what you strive for regardless of the task. That way, the work stays fresh, and more importantly, you stay fresh. Your mental and emotional attitude should be right even before you take your first step into production.

Phase Two: Preparation and Planning.

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Thumbnail sketches sit atop final key drawings by Supervising Animator David Pruiksma (one of my favorite instructors ever). In these marvelous tiny sketches, the artist shows wit and wonder while exploring the peak moments of the dialogue.

Here’s where you begin. Here’s where you plan, play and explore. You seek out the greatest possibilities. It’s also the stage where most beginners and amateurs falter — too eager to dive right into the work, they skip out the thinking,  not realizing that only good preparation and planning will give the work a chance at being original or effective. Professionals devote hours conducting research, shooting video, collecting resources, doing thumbnail sketches and preliminary tests — work never meant to be seen in any sort of final form but give a good logical sense of what might or might not work. Top craftsmen spend as much as half their time doing this kind of preparation. The process is not unlike that of top musicians or athletes who spend half their time in study as much as in practice to achieve the highest performance. Solid preparation and planning is often what separates the top performers from the rest of their peers.

Phase Three: Doing the work.

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Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hillary’s crew in their the historic ascent of Mount Everest in 1953.

This phase, for many people, is mentally the hardest. This is when you know what to do, you suspect you know how to do it (with art, you never know for sure), and you’re about to plunge right into the grind. You’ve got your plans in front of you, the rough first steps begin, and a deadline awaits, sitting there at the end of the hall, like a shylock waiting to collect (in this case your inevitable mistakes and miscalculations). The task suddenly appears monumental and there’s the danger of paralysis by analysis or worse, staying in the comfort zone, and never jumping into the water out of fear. But you know that no amount of practice or planning will get you anywhere without actually doing the real thing. It’s the only way to see if any of it works, and until you try, you’ll never know. You’ve got time,  you’ve got energy, and now’s the time step up and just do it. Some people never start. That’s not you.

In the words of Mark Twain:

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started”

Phase Four:  Struggle

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Michelangelo’s famous unfinished sculpture of Atlas, emerging from a huge block of stone.

The experience of struggle only happens to those who have dove right in and gotten themselves in trouble because they took the risk. Challenges appear, both the expected and the unexpected. You find out whether you’ve prepared or even capable of delivering the effort and quality demanded. You’re challenged physically, mentally and emotionally, as you or your crew lose steam in the midst of frustration. Here is where you need to show your mettle and scratch your brain to move beyond the tired and formulaic. This is where you battle.

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Jackson Pollack, seen here working feverishly on one of his “drip” paintings.

The good thing is, that this phase of struggle is the least deceptive — it tells you right away what your problems are — you can see them, you just have to beat them. You’ve made your initial charge, but there’s resistance or a set back. Here’s when it’s best to get feedback. You’re open to it, because you’re desperate, you’re hungry and you’re receptive. It doesn’t feel like the most productive phase in the process but it’s actually the most fruitful and effective. You find your focus here. And you get going again. The troops gather, either internally in your mind, or physically with other artists. You dig down deep with all your effort. You show your true grit and get the job done.

Phase Five: Completion

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Closing shot of Steven Speilberg’s Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.

The best part of finishing, is, just that! You’ve finished! You did it! That’s a monster accomplishment all on it’s own. I like to take a small break when it’s done, and so should you, regardless of the results. In sports, everyone knows there can only be one winner. In art, the distinction between success and failure is less clear. All you can ask of yourself is this: did you give it your best effort? Did you try doing things in a new way? Were you true to the material and to yourself?  Or have you wimped out, relied on old formulas or worse, mailed it in? If so, then know that you’ve cashed in your chips and it’s time to earn some new ones.

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” — Robert Frost

He’s right. And another journey lies ahead.