Dealing with doubt

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Self-portrait by Leonardo Da Vinci. So much has been written and idolized about this renaissance man that it’s  impossible to compare him to ourselves. And it’s probably best that we don’t.

We often begrudge our lack of ability.

Having enough skill and technique often appears as the greatest worry for the animation artist. We all “know” that if we had the necessary skill, things would be so much better, easier and less frightening. Sometimes, we might even catch ourselves thinking those ugly words,  “if only.”  If only we’d gone to a better school, had better teachers, had more money, gotten better breaks or given more choice, etc, etc.

“The cruel words of regret.” From Babe 2, Pig in the City, directed by the brilliantly skilled and diverse, George Miller (who also directed Happy Feet and Mad Max: Road Fury).

But at the end of day we have but one choice, taking action. Build that skill. Do the work. Get stronger. Cross that scary bridge. In other words, there’s no choice but to put in the hours. Of course, it’s not easy. But it’s not supposed to be — failure is guaranteed for all artists a majority of the time.

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Alex Ovechkin is the most prolific goal scorer in the National Hockey League. He lead all goal scorers last year, a season which he took 47% more shots (395) than the next best goal scorer, Steven Stamkos (268). In other words, he also fails on more shots than any other player.

“Failure is an option here. If you’re not failing, you’re not innovating enough.” — Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla and SpaceX

But what if you don’t become the best animator, best goal scorer or greatest innovator? Then why do this? Who wants to put in all that effort when the likelihood is that you could, and most likely, will fail? Because effort matters, and it is its own reward.

“Once you realize that the road is the goal and that you are always on the road, not to reach a goal, but to enjoy its beauty and wisdom, life ceases to be a task and becomes natural and simple, in itself an ecstasy.” — Nisargadatta Maharaj

 Art is about choices, and choices require the most challenging yet wondrous kind of labor; mental-emotional labor. Emotional labor can be fun, interesting and inspiring especially when driven by a desire for something greater than ourselves such as the love of the craft itself, the will to better ourselves (and our communities), or the pure necessity to feed our families.

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Martin Luther King Jr was a man who worked for a cause far greater than himself. There was never a guarantee that he, or others like him, would succeed. (Image courtesy of Biography)

Therefore, there mustn’t be any sort of begrudging in the process of work.  Whether for you, as an animator it’s all that time spent on planning, battling through shots, making revisions or absorbing all that challenging feedback. Whining and moaning is all too common a practice in our industry (and in this world in general.)

I grew up on a farm and I was always amazed how my father (and my family in general) kept putting in the labor. Day in, day out, he’d grind it out. Tilling one plot of land after another. And everything that grew on it was all made by hand. What he didn’t know, he learned. He got good and efficient at it because he did it so often and for so long. But he also suffered — customers would disappear, costs would fluctuate or nature itself would be uncooperative, destroying crops mercilessly. Building a business is a lot of work, there’s a lot of risk involved. So much of the outcome of all that effort is unknown — there are no guarantees. But the work matters because it changes you. My father was a better man for it, and he never complained.

All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience.” — Henry Miller

As an artist, you’re always pushing into the unknown, but each mark you make does show up in your final efforts. Even when shots are removed and projects get cancelled, know that you’ve been changed by the effort you put in. If you’ve given your work thought and took real chances, you’ve gotten better and with luck, might’ve even developed greater mentor fortitude. That much can never be taken away from you. So always give your task your full attention.

Tom Cruise marvels at the dedication of the samurai in Edward Zwick’s 2003 film, The Last Samurai. This mindset still permeates much of modern day Japanese culture, as witnessed by their continued attentiveness to detail, respect and work ethic.

And it’s not about just being a good employee or boss.
It’s not even about gratitude.  It’s about living the process and building towards something. It’s moving yourself outside of ‘the’ self.  Whether it be animating a shot, building a shelter or composing a piece of music, work can only be exciting or important when it becomes meaningful and it’s surprising how much of that meaning comes from within.

If we approach our work as an artist like how an individual builds a home, a life, and hope for his/her family, the process gets easier, and a bit less difficult to sustain. Not because it makes it less hard — because it’s always hard — but because there’s a purpose. What matters are your choices and the meaning you place behind it. You choose your level of commitment, and by default, your level of fulfillment.

In a sense, your journey into the unknown is remarkably personal, yet at the same time, all-encompassing and universal. Or, as author Henry Miller puts it:

“One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.”